I have been so depressed lately, but I’m finally feeling a bit better. It helps to set one small goal each day so I at least have the illusion of being productive. Yesterday I cleaned one of my fish tanks. I’m sure the fish really appreciated it.
Today, I went to campus and signed up for a Spring B class called Literature and Culture. Not being in school is pretty much the worst for my mental health since so much of my identity centers on being a student, so I’m really looking forward to Spring B starting in March.
When I saw my psychiatrist on Monday, we discovered that I’d been taking four times the dose of Clozapine I was supposed to, which probably explains why I got so sick. I’m back on the lower dose, and feeling much more like myself.
My biggest problem is not having enough to do. I haven’t worked since early December, but I’m hoping to go back soon. I’m supposed to go up on my Clozapine this week, and I want to make sure the fever doesn’t come back before I tell my employer I’m ready to return to work.
Overall, I have been managing. I still go out with Rebecca. I still take showers and brush my teeth with some semblance of regularity. I do laundry and try to wear clean clothes. I still see and talk to my parents. And I still write in my journal and work on personal projects.
Things aren’t all bad. And they’re slowly getting better.