I am taking a hiatus from this blog. I no longer feel the need to broadcast the details of my mental health to everyone in my life. I will leave you with this poem I wrote while I was in treatment.

With seduction plastered on my face,
I begged him to invade my space.
But I did not anticipate the cost,
just like that–virginity lost.
And in that mild winter, a deadly frost
crept over my body. I thought I’d freeze.
Rape stole strength from all parts of me.
I felt truly defeated, I was down on my knees.
Then in spite of everything, I felt warm, I could breathe!

I learned my lesson, never again
would I associate with older men
who deny the fact that I’m a lesbian.
They try to cut me down to size,
but I deserve a woman who tries
to love me just as I was made,
and maybe we’ll go to a pride parade.
But the most important thing to me,
besides God and my sobriety,
is knowing that my pain will end
when I learn to be my own best friend.
And while a soulmate might be a godsend,
I have to do the hard work first,
before trying to quench my carnal thirst.

The time has come to say goodbye
to addiction, bulimia, and wanting to die.
Ahead of me is a cloudless sky
free of torment, depression, and abusive guys.
I have hope for the future–that’s something new!
I’m suddenly proud to be gay and a Jew.
No more getting down on myself,
today, I have a whole new wealth
of knowledge about loving me for me.
I’m healing, I’m growing, I’m finally free.

I have another blog where I post angsty poetry and half-baked journal entries. I currently don’t share it with anyone, but if you would like the link, send an email to katherineorfinger@gmail.com

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